I guess this is part of the whole process... putting all your trust in him & just knowing that the money will come in. Tonight I found out that I have $200 in my funds (THANK YOU UNCLE DAVE & GRANDPA DUANE & GRANDMA JOLENE!) I have $1600 due in 15 days... maybe this whole thing was a bad idea.
I've been so excited about the whole trip that i haven't really even thought twice about the money... everything seemed to be flowing perfectly. My passport came in 9 days, I got my support letters sent out quickly & i've just been pumped. I've been reading about missionaries for the last weeks & my heart just breaks more & more every day for the world. I've found myself so upset that I still have two years of school left, there's nothing I want to do more than just serve in the places that need it the most. The places that are being persecuted daily, the places that don't have clean water, the places that don't know anything about God... these are the places that burden my heart ALL day long. I often wonder what i'm doing wasting my time in class when there are such bigger needs. My tuition could do wonders in a place like Africa or India...
However, I find encouragement when I think about past missionaries... William Carey, Mary Slessor, Hudson Taylor, Adoniram Judson, John Paton... ALL of these missionaries faced tremendous amounts of hardship.
"God uses men who are weak & feeble enough to lean on him" -Hudson Taylor
How ridiculous of me to be concerned about such a little thing like money. I knew there would be trials, it's part of the missions field... it's all about knowing that God will provide exactly what you need at the PERFECT time. It cracks me up that sometimes I try to limit God to MY timeline, I have to remind myself quite frequently that my timing is NOTHING & God's is EVERYTHING. I know that God will provide, and yet I still doubt at times (for example... 5 minutes ago!) I was in tears when I was on the phone with Angie... why?!! Why do I doubt God? It's the biggest battle I have with my flesh & it drives me crazy!!!!
Last Friday night I was babysitting & all the kids were sleeping & I was able to spend a solid 3 hours with my bible. (For those of you who know my schedule you know how rare that is!) It was one of the best nights i've had in SUCH a longg time... just getting back to the core & regrounding myself with God's word. I wish I had more nights like that, nights where I can just read my bible & listen to sermons... but I can't complain... God has blessed me with amazing opportunities that continually keep my life busy!
Well, this has been the first discouraging thing so far & I already feel better about it! I just have to stay persistent in prayer & strong in faith... God will provide, He always does.
Thank you all for your constant love & support.. it keeps me going on nights like these. Love you all.
In Him,
Nicole
"Let my heart be broken by the things that break God's heart."- Bob Pierce.
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